So, here’s a scoop that is no surprise to anyone who has ever had a partner. Sexual relationships are challenging. Especially long-term ones where you have sex with the same person, and only that person, for ever and ever, amen.
Lately I’ve had many conversations with women who have said things like, “Sarah, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Nothing gets me in the mood for sex. All the things that used to work, aren’t working anymore. I just feel like something’s wrong with me.”
It’s true. When you find yourself having ho-hum, hum-drum sex for a period of time, it can be hard not to take it personally. Maybe you think you’re doing something wrong, or even worse, you worry something is wrong with your relationship.
But here’s the thing. It is NORMAL for sex to feel boring or uninspiring sometimes. Regardless of whether its every once in awhile, or for stretches of time.
And wanting better sex is not wrong. You deserve to have amazing sex.
And there’s no better place to start than with this:
The best sex advice I’ve read recently is from Dan Savage at Savage Love and it gets to the crux of sexual issues in many long-term sexual relationships when a partner or both partners “feel inhibited during sex because you’re in love, and people who are in love are supposed to have sex one way (you’re supposed to make safe, boring, predictable love). But people who aren’t in love…..are free to have sex another way (they’re allowed to have wild, passionate, and unpredictable fucks).”
His advice?
“Give Mr. Long Term permission to fuck you like he’s never going to see you again. You should fuck him the same way. Fuck each other like the stakes are low—fuck like it’s casual, fuck like it could end at any time.”
(My apologies if you are offended by the word fuck, but you may want to re-think reading things on the internet if you are.)
I fucking love his advice. And I love the challenge it gives those of us with our own Mr. or Ms. Long-Term. Find ways to fuck again. Making love is nice, but it sure as hell isn’t as gratifying as an amazing fuck.
Not sure about this? I’m willing to bet your partner won’t mind at all if you were to say to him or her, “Babe, I love you and I love making love to you. But I would really love to fuck each other’s brains out. Are you up to the challenge?”