The Friday Five: Recovering your sex life after a car accident
Where each week a different Mom answers five questions about her sex life.
This week’s contributor J, is a thirty-three year old South American mom of one elementary aged son. She was recently injured in a traumatic car accident and is married to her, “wonderful, handsome husband.”
How would you describe your sex life right now?
Right now it’s not that bad actually. The days I don’t feel that sexual are when I’m on my period and with my injuries it hurts more. I know that after the accident my hips got inflamed, but we have to be resourceful. We’ve found lots of positions that don’t put so much pressure on my hips. That is to say we are being very religious right now–lots of missionary position.
I have my needs and my husband has his needs and sex is such a good way of relaxing yourself. So this week I’ve been really stressed out and I am doing some new physical therapies and I feel so good and I thought it’d be good to do something different. And when it’s hard to sleep, having sex helps us sleep. Right after the accident we couldn’t for awhile. Now, I have my vibrator and I find it’s a good way to relieve stress.
What’s been your biggest sexual challenge since becoming a mom?
Eradicating all the patriarchal crap that was put on my mind by the Catholic church. I love being a mom, but I’m not the Virgin Mary. So I have fought the societal idea that once I became a mom I had to only focus on my child and forget that I am a sexual woman. It’s important for relationships.
I tell my daughter that it’s important that her father and I love each other and sometimes we become moms and we think being a mom is everything and we forget about ourselves and our partner.
It’s about finding a balance. I found myself having to rescue my femininity after beoming a mother. Because before I was a mother I was a woman. So we shut the door and when she knocks on the door and asks, “What are you doing?” We say we are loving each other.
What is the most important thing to you about your sexuality?
The connection with my partner. It’s the moment with him. Also, it’s also beyond the physical connection, the experience of being together. I’m really in pain, but we have to communicate a lot about what feels good and what hurts. So we have a deeper emotional connection because we can’t be wild, but we don’t stop doing it. We want to be together so we have to find the ways that feel good.
What does being a sexual mama mean to you?
Being a woman. You have somebody to take care of, being maternal, taking care of your kids, it’s beautiful. But you also need to feel certain things as a woman that your kids can’t give you.
I want to feel well, but I don’t want to start something that I can’t finish and at some point I thought my husband didn’t want to be with me sexually, but really, he just was scared of hurting me.
What’s the best thing about your sex life now?
Just the fact that I know he cares that this is a hard time for me. So many men would only be caring about their own needs so having a man who cares and wants to make me feel good is the most important thing to me.
Also, I have a little pink vibrator, it’s not too big, not too small. I use it by myself and with him and it’s really great.
Thank you so much J, for taking the time to share your answers for the Friday Five. And I really hope you continue to heal quickly from your injuries.
Readers, what questions would you like to see in the Friday Five? Post them as comments and you might see them in next week’s edition.
Are YOU interested in participating? Shoot me an email at slofmoms@gmail.com.