Why I love my job.

I talk to moms about sex. It’s my job. So, I love the inevitable conversations I get to have with perfect strangers as well as with friends and family about what I do.

Case in point: I went to get my hair cut today. It was a new salon and the stylist was a woman I had never met before. She wrapped a warm towel around my neck and started the customary chit-chat as I leaned back in my chair.

“So, do you stay home with your kids?” she asked.

“Yes, and I work part-time from home.” I answered.

“What do you do?”

“Well, I’m writing a book.”

“Really? About what?”

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the long, pregnant pause that would inevitably come after I tell her. “I’m writing about how moms re-define their sexuality after kids.”

Long pregnant pause. “Oh! Now I’m blushing!” She giggled and then spent the next hour telling me all about her own sex life. Even though it was a salon and sex talk is no uncommon thing, she whispered the parts she didn’t want anyone to overhear and used initials for words she didn’t want to say out loud.

I didn’t know a thing about [stage whisper] SEX for years. You know, I had boyfriends and my husband wasn’t my first, but I didn’t even do M (masturbate), or have an O (you know this one, right?) until after my kids were born, can you believe it! And then once I did have it I knew what I’d been missing that whole time. It was a renaissance in our marriage.

You know how everyone’s kids walk in on them? Well, one time in the middle of IT, I turned around and there was my son, all big eyes watching.  And he says, “ Mommy why are bouncing around on top of Daddy? Huh?”  We STILL tell that story.

Now that they’re teenagers they neither notice nor care if we disappear for some alone time. But when they were little we would have to tell them we were going to our room for some alone time and that we didn’t want to be interrupted. Well, the oldest—she was probably five— she didn’t like being left out of anything and she jimmied the lock and walked in and took a long look around the room and said, “I want to light candles and get naked and have family time TOO!”

I laughed so hard at that one that I sprayed the water I was drinking all over the mirror.

And one time we had [stage whisper] sex on the rug in front of the fireplace after the kids were in bed and we left a toy downstairs and it got lost in the couch cushions and my daughter found it and said, “Daddy, what’s this?” and I swear to God he almost died of embarassment. He told her it was a computer battery. But I wish I’d known about toys sooner, they were instrumental in having [whisper] the O, and they make all the difference in the world! I just still can’t believe I didn’t orgasm until I was in my thirties!! ————————————————-

I have the best job.