In any relationship sex can get boring. This is normal. But if you are craving exciting, passionate sex (at least some of the time) here are a few ideas to help you freshen up even the most stale sexual routine.
Masturbate. Masturbation is like first gear of your car. It revs it you up for a smooth transition to higher gears. When you masturbate regularly you become like a superhero of your own pleasure. You have all the power, and with practice, you acquire expert knowledge about yourself, your body, and what you like (i.e. more orgasms!). The more you learn, the easier it is to share this knowledge with your partner. (Again, more orgasms!)
Get creative. Think new and different. New time, different place, new book, different position, new movie, different toy, new partner (even if it’s in only your imagination). Look to the world around you to find fresh inspiration that can inspire your sex life. For example, you can:
- Move it outside the bedroom.
- Sext. (Just not on the family text account you share with the kids, okay?)
- Have sex at a different time of day.
- Read or watch something sexy
- Make sure take the time and effort needed so that you orgasm, too. (This one is IMPORTANT! Most women don’t orgasm during intercourse. Are you making sure you get the pleasure and orgasms you deserve from sex?) Just another reason to…
- Think beyond intercourse. (If this applies to your sex life.)
Build, build, build. Think back to a time when you and a partner had the type of sexual tension that could set a room on fire. Remember what it felt like to feel so full of lust that a mere look from the object of your affection made you squirm in your seat?
THIS is what you tap into when you are bored. The memory, that feeling.
How, you ask? With a slow burn.
Set an amount of time (hours, days, weeks, whatever strikes your fancy) where you ONLY kiss and touch each other. Over the clothes. No genital action. For this amount of time you use things outside your regular wheelhouse to turn each other on. Words, looks, touches, glimpses. No just getting straight to the hanky-panky.
You get the idea.
Don’t forget to talk about it. It is easy to not talk about sex. Especially when we don’t want to hurt a partner’s feelings. But when you want to beat boredom, things won’t get better unless you do. Share your wishes and desires for your sex life and talk kindly and honestly about what you would like to change. (And listen, too!)
For those ready to take it to another level, visit a local sex shop together and go shopping (SheBop and As you Like It are two Oregon-based, woman-owned favorites). You can purchase anything from a new vibrator and lube, to a remote controlled toy that gives one partner control at a distance. Be adventurous with your purchases.
Have a costume party. Outfits, wigs, shoes, anything that makes you feel like a different person. Up the ante and wear something that feels sexy and outrageous on a night out on the town.
Role play or story tell. Come up with a scenario that is exciting and act out or tell each other all the dirty details. Fantasy is good. Fantasy is healthy. Sharing fantasies with your partner can be exciting and add newness to your sexual play.
You are your own sex expert. So:
Be proud of what you love about sex and what you are doing well. And, keep up the good work!
For MORE ideas on how to build your own arousal toolkit and tons of information and resources about sex as a new parent, check out “From Ouch! To Ahhh…The New Mom’s Guide To Sex After Baby.”