Sexy New Year’s Resolutions You Can Enjoy All Year Long
February is here and I’m just now posting about New Year’s resolutions. Scratch that one off my resolution list,
get your to-do list items done on time. Screw it, the new year is all about second chances and not all New Year’s resolutions have to be about things you should do, but really don’t want to do, like diet or exercise goals or not procrastinating.
So, here goes.
This year consider creating sexy New Year’s resolutions that will have you having more sex, reduce stress, and make you feel closer to your partner.
Step 1) Make a list of things you would love to see happen in your sex life this year. Have your partner make his/her own list too.
A few ideas include: What do you want to accomplish/learn about/ try as an individual? What are the barriers that are making this difficult? Common examples for parents include time alone, exhaustion, lack of childcare, low libido. How will you overcome these barriers?
Step 2) Compare lists. It’s okay if your lists are different, in fact, it can be great. Use it as an opportunity to learn more about your partner and to share your desires with each other.
When I do this exercise in workshops with moms, some ideas they’ve come up with include: feeling more confident about their bodies, going to an adult store, buying a sexy book (like mine!), or their first sex toy, or having sex with the lights on.
Step 3) Now, make a couple’s list of things you would love to do together this year. Keep it in your bedside drawer and look at it for sexy inspiration all year long.
Maybe your list has seemingly mundane items on it, such as, find a reliable babysitter, or making out more often. Maybe your list is full of decidedly un-vanilla ideas, like trying a type of sexual play you’ve never done before. There is no wrong way to do this. Just have fun with it.
Use your sexy resolution making to put fun things on the calendar. For example, sex on birthdays, or a trip for just the two of you in the summer, a shopping spree at an adult store, or watching a sexy movie together.
Planning these things in advance makes them more likely to happen. If you have a resolution of making more time for sex, putting it on the calendar helps.
Doing this exercise together gives you the chance to have a state of sexual affairs conversation as a couple where you kindly and honestly share what you like about your intimate relationship (always emphasize the positive first), what you would like to change, and what goals you want to set together. It is a wonderful time to share what works and doesn’t work for you. It may surprise you to learn that your partner had no idea of certain things you thought were perfectly obvious, like, grabbing and squeezing my butt doesn’t feel like foreplay.
It is a fine balance, sharing your feelings without pressuring or feeling pressured, but a good one worth practicing. For example, if frequency of sex is an issue for you or your partner, just discussing it helps you both feel understood and addresses an elephant in your relationship.
Sexual communication is a practice you learn to the more you do it. All couples will face sexual challenges in their relationship at some point, so practicing when things are going well, sets the stage for dealing with challenges when they appear.
Happy resolution making and may you have a happy and blessed 2016.
Sarah J. Swofford, MPH is the author of From Ouch! To Ahhh…The New Mom’s Guide To Sex After Baby. sarahjswofford.com