As a sexual health educator I’ve taught hundreds of workshops on just about every sexual health topic out there. My master’s degree is in public health and in grad school I trained staff who work with at-risk youth on how to teach sexual education. I’ve led dozens of health education support groups for people living with HIV and AIDS.
So the question people often ask me is, why are you writing about the sex lives of moms?
The answer isn’t simple, but it is basic. Because the sexuality of mothers is important. Yet, it makes people uncomfortable. In general, truthful, honest discussions of female sexuality make people uncomfortable. And discussions about the sexuality of moms? Even more so. But it is important.
Why is it important?
Because it matters to women. I have interviewed dozens of women and what I hear over and over again are stories of doubt, low sexual self-esteem, worries about being abnormal. Stories of women so tired doing it all they stop having sex altogether; and these women care, too. Even when they are not having sex they care. Dr. Valerie Raskin who has written a book I recommend to any mom, Great Sex for Moms, believes that mothers often give so much of themselves to take care of their families, they sacrifice their desire for sex.
And yet, the spectrum of sexual experiences of moms is far-reaching. When I began researching and interviewing moms of young children about their sex lives, I expected to hear primarily how much sex they didn’t have.
I was wrong.
Moms are having sex. Moms are having great sex.
But there are also many moms who are unsatisfied or frustrated with their sex lives. I learned a lot, and have been left even more convinced of the importance of sharing our stories as sexual women. Our sexuality influences our feelings about ourselves, our happiness, and vulnerabilities. It matters.
And it’s not about how much sex you have. It doesn’t matter how often or how much. What matters is that moms feel good about themselves sexually. And the opposite is true, it matters when you don’t. It matters enough to talk about it.
Because it is empowering to learn from other moms. Whether you talk with your friends, learn from older women, or read blogs like this one; shared sexual knowledge validates and empowers. When moms learn about other moms facing similar sexual difficulties, they feel less alone. When moms learn about how other moms communicate sexually with their partners, what works and doesn’t, they have lessons to bring back to their own relationship.
Within these pages you will find all sorts of information about what sex can be like after kids. If you have any thoughts or recommendations (or would like to be interviewed, anonymously, if you prefer, for the Friday Five), I would love to hear from you. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thank you for visiting.